Mad About Keys

Technology makes everything better. A simple car key now has the ability to not only open the door, but turn on the lights, warm up the engine and slowly reroute my life savings to its Swiss bank account. My van key looks pretty nondescript, incapable of none of that, but it’s smart, the customer service rep at the dealership assures me. When I lose it, I will not only be unable to start the vehicle, but the vehicle must be towed to the dealership and a lengthy, special secret reprogramming procedure will be undertaken by a specialized geek with pocket protectors who will attempt to unlock the sophisticated system—two minutes and a hundred bucks—for a key!!! He says that the dealer is prevented by the manufacturer to disengage the little thingydoodle in the ignition system that prevents the use of a cheap key and it’s all because somebody could steal my car. I said. “I won’t buy another car that does this,” and he suppressed a giggle and confounded me with his response, “It’s all about liability.” So, there is no more running to the hardware store to have an extra key cut. What was a three dollar wrinkle in my day, will be a three hundred dollar just fold me in half. An article in the Boston Globe assures me that it is industry wide and the FTC has thus far failed to act. California seems to be the only sane state thus far… (which in itself is frightening). They are requiring vehicle manufacturers to release key code to locksmiths by January 2008. I’ll try to lose my keys next in CA. I just had one last question, if these expensive, exclusive keys are so smart, how do they get lost?