Friday, September 14, 2007

Dump on Dia Day

Today is the day. It’s “Everyone Dump on Dia Day. Might as well make it National Everyone Dump on Dia Day and spread the fun. It started with the 4:45 wake-up to Witch Doctor song. Wouldn’t your day go downhill from there? Got through seminary but missed the school bus. So bright and early she was captive for twenty minutes of me on a non-stop harangue.

As her Mom, and thereby her resident social conscience, I covered a myriad of aspects, gas prices, elitist kids, entitlement, even visited Armagedon. I piled on the guilt, boys no lunches, Aidan left home alone, Ian missing his ride… and most of all dear to her heart, payment to me of cold hard cash.

I pretty much covered the gamut. So, it’s my recommendation that everyone for the rest of the day join me! You, the crossing guard for the teenagers start right in like usual. “You, blond girl, Stop Right There! It’s no longer the first day of school. You should know by now that you can’t get off there. What were you thinking. Don’t do that again!” You are unaware, of course, that her parent put her off there so you could have the opportunity to vent your spleen on her. (as further continued punishment). You can thank me later.

I’m also providing an opportunity for every teacher who spilled their coffee, is late to work, mad about daycare, angry about gas prices, the lack of hurricane relief, and the world’s social conscience, moreover, if you are frustrated at short term worthless fixes on the part of local, state and federal officials, this is the time for you to dump on Dia. It’s her day.

If you are in the mood—as the supposed last bastion of intellectual thought—to berate and deride because of lack of vision on the part of all government leaders, who are placing us firmer into a fiscal mire and deeper into financial manure, who are unable to see the benefit of higher gas prices on mass transit, fuel consumption, smaller vehicles, better roads and healthier alternatives, my daughter Dia is the one you should drop it all on.

If you would like to pile on homework for the weekend, (like four hours a night isn’t enough) today is the day. You can effectively put her home for more added insult by Mom by just adding to that busywork burden. No relief in sight ‘til Tuesday. (Sorry, but I’ll do my part to make the “Labor” in that holiday a reality).

Do what you can to demean her further by refusing her first amendment rights in Literature, but you’d better skip over the right to bear arms in AP History because she might decide to do something about that.

Today she’s PMSing, but she was desperate enough to risk heart attack and take a banned Vioxx. So I say, go right ahead and dump ‘cause she’s her mammas daughter.

And, I’m thinking at this point, she can hold her own.