Childrearing Secret

My friend had a difficult child.

At three it was apparent that he was bright, but would have development issues. He couldn't follow three simple instructions in a row, his mind wandered from task and the mother was constantly berating the child for his inability to perform basic functions, simple tasks that should have been age appropriate. He had impulse issues, disassociation, it was sad. He was just too flighty, forgetful and hopeless.

Over the years their relationship deteriorated and by the time he was seven she despaired that he could ever "turn out normal." The parents invented treatments, saw therapists and psychologists, changed schools and made every effort to fix this kid. Then something changed.

They gave up.

That was when she and her husband made one change in the child's treatment and it affected everything. What changed? One basic thing, a hug. They learned to participate in the hug that the child had once upon a time so desperately offered whenever he goofed up. It seems that his cousins (the best counselors) had decided that as a group they needed to hug their grandparents more often and so the child decided to set aside the previous years of rebuff and took it upon himself to reach out and hug his parents more.

Almost instantly, that dysfunctional relationship changed. He is now adaptable, confident, yet still different. While he still struggles with bein different every day of his life, he is happy, comfortable and I love him more than ever. (oops, the mother loves him) This bumbling teenager is sensitive, enthusiastic, exciting, interesting, challenging, brilliant and insightful. And did I mention Happy?

Need another testimony? My close girlfriend was having danger moments with her teenaged daughter. She saw behavior that was life threatening and worried about what to do. She prayed and was told, Hug Her. She did in spite of the physical rebuffs, she persisted lightly and over time things changed. Withholding touch is cruel, yet it is a common punishment. We tell them, "Go away, and leave me alone."

I promise you that even though it is so hard to learn to love an alien, it is not impossible. I know that babies separated from human touch die. How could I not understand that basic principle for humanity, children, teenagers, the elderly? Hug. Hug. Hug. How many times have you hugged your child, your husband, your mom today? Find a way, Institute a law--once a day--HAVE THEY HUGGED? If not, they have to get out of bed to hug someone! Be bold! Start and even though they may push you away (trust is hard to regain) keep hugging! ! ! ! Institute group hugs! It will make all the difference.

Speaking as a former non-hugger, consider yourself hugged today, Terina